So, I was born and raised Catholic, and overall it's a messy situation in my mind. I love mass - the ritual of it all. However, I'm deeply in disagrement with the beliefs of the church. I don't agree with the church's teaching on birth control for starters. I cannot handle more than 2 children - I hated being pregnant and was not the best mother to a new born. The thought of just breeding out baby after baby is horrifying. It wouldn't be fair to those babies, I wouldn't be much of a mom if I had 6-10 kids hopping around. I'm tired and broke with 2 - but we're in a great neighborhood and a good school system. I don't think I could work unless it was 3rd shift if I had a huge brood - couldn't afford childcare. We certainly couldn't be where we are financially with all those kids (not that we're in a "good" place but still).
I also strongly disagree with thoughts on women being priests (why not? stupid sexist pigs!) and I cannot condemn homosexuals - you love who you love, bullshit that it's a sin.
so back to the point of enjoying mass. I do like coming in, sitting through a reading, praying etc. At least at the right church. I grew up going to the neighborhood church - cathedral style, long center aisle, pews on either side. You came in and there was some singing (the folk group was big in the 80's, now it's an organist who sings). The singing however, was just an accompaniment to the ceremony. The focus was on the readings and the rituals again, not on whomever was singing, and not on the priest himself. He'd give a short simple homily that drove the point home and that was it.
So here's the church my husband goes to (it's our parish, where my kids go to religious education classes - i'm not crazy enough to shell out money to send them to Catholic school to become little bigots). It's got the more modern shape. I can't describe it but there are 4 sections of really long pews. You either get there early and sit on the end, then have to move down when people show up late - or you have to climb over people who are on the ends to get to where you want to be - sometimes as many as 10-12 people. I just hate that seating arrangement, it's uncomfortable and unpractical in my opinion. My biggest challenge with this church is 2 fold - one is only on occasion, the other issue is the singing. There's a "choirmaster" or whatever he calls himself. He leads the singing at every mass, runs the choir, and you can tell he's really pleased with himself. He will announce that a song is just so short "and I know you want to hear more, so we'll sing each verse twice!" and stuff like that. I cannot stand it - it's like he thinks the mass is all about him and his singing and it ruins it for me. I cringe at the sound of his voice. Also, some of the priests at this church wander around during the homily - I prefer my religious authority figures up on the alter and away from me, but they travel the aisles, asking questions of the parishioners, another cringe worthy experience.
As a not really great Catholic, should I even have a right to complain? Is it ok to just skip mass when I can't get to the church that I went to as a child? I am conflicted, knowing that I should not let these things bug me, but if this was the place I was raised in, I'd never go back.
