I went into this year with one goal - pay off my astronomical credit card debt - lots of it was due to car repairs, and a lot of surgery for a dog who didn't survive, plus there were a few weeks where I just didn't have the $ for groceries - but there were also shoe sprees and some clothes trips as well - I admit. However, I had 8 credit cards with varying balances, and I knew I could make a difference. The goal went beyond just paying down the debt. I work a bunch of different jobs, but there is one that I absolutely hate with a passion and I wanted to be financially fit enough to quit it.
uh - now I owe $4,000 MORE than last year. I'm down to 3 credit cards - the 3 lowest interest rated ones, but what the hell did I do??? I was irresponsible and stupid I guess. Once again, we had car repairs and couldn't make ends meet (how does that happen - haven't I learned - oh yea, I was spending $1,000 a month to pay credit cards, then ended up having to charge to make ends meet and then there was interest, and then I loaned my brother money. stupid stupid stupid!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Church and stuff
So, I was born and raised Catholic, and overall it's a messy situation in my mind. I love mass - the ritual of it all. However, I'm deeply in disagrement with the beliefs of the church. I don't agree with the church's teaching on birth control for starters. I cannot handle more than 2 children - I hated being pregnant and was not the best mother to a new born. The thought of just breeding out baby after baby is horrifying. It wouldn't be fair to those babies, I wouldn't be much of a mom if I had 6-10 kids hopping around. I'm tired and broke with 2 - but we're in a great neighborhood and a good school system. I don't think I could work unless it was 3rd shift if I had a huge brood - couldn't afford childcare. We certainly couldn't be where we are financially with all those kids (not that we're in a "good" place but still).
I also strongly disagree with thoughts on women being priests (why not? stupid sexist pigs!) and I cannot condemn homosexuals - you love who you love, bullshit that it's a sin.
so back to the point of enjoying mass. I do like coming in, sitting through a reading, praying etc. At least at the right church. I grew up going to the neighborhood church - cathedral style, long center aisle, pews on either side. You came in and there was some singing (the folk group was big in the 80's, now it's an organist who sings). The singing however, was just an accompaniment to the ceremony. The focus was on the readings and the rituals again, not on whomever was singing, and not on the priest himself. He'd give a short simple homily that drove the point home and that was it.
So here's the church my husband goes to (it's our parish, where my kids go to religious education classes - i'm not crazy enough to shell out money to send them to Catholic school to become little bigots). It's got the more modern shape. I can't describe it but there are 4 sections of really long pews. You either get there early and sit on the end, then have to move down when people show up late - or you have to climb over people who are on the ends to get to where you want to be - sometimes as many as 10-12 people. I just hate that seating arrangement, it's uncomfortable and unpractical in my opinion. My biggest challenge with this church is 2 fold - one is only on occasion, the other issue is the singing. There's a "choirmaster" or whatever he calls himself. He leads the singing at every mass, runs the choir, and you can tell he's really pleased with himself. He will announce that a song is just so short "and I know you want to hear more, so we'll sing each verse twice!" and stuff like that. I cannot stand it - it's like he thinks the mass is all about him and his singing and it ruins it for me. I cringe at the sound of his voice. Also, some of the priests at this church wander around during the homily - I prefer my religious authority figures up on the alter and away from me, but they travel the aisles, asking questions of the parishioners, another cringe worthy experience.
As a not really great Catholic, should I even have a right to complain? Is it ok to just skip mass when I can't get to the church that I went to as a child? I am conflicted, knowing that I should not let these things bug me, but if this was the place I was raised in, I'd never go back.
I also strongly disagree with thoughts on women being priests (why not? stupid sexist pigs!) and I cannot condemn homosexuals - you love who you love, bullshit that it's a sin.
so back to the point of enjoying mass. I do like coming in, sitting through a reading, praying etc. At least at the right church. I grew up going to the neighborhood church - cathedral style, long center aisle, pews on either side. You came in and there was some singing (the folk group was big in the 80's, now it's an organist who sings). The singing however, was just an accompaniment to the ceremony. The focus was on the readings and the rituals again, not on whomever was singing, and not on the priest himself. He'd give a short simple homily that drove the point home and that was it.
So here's the church my husband goes to (it's our parish, where my kids go to religious education classes - i'm not crazy enough to shell out money to send them to Catholic school to become little bigots). It's got the more modern shape. I can't describe it but there are 4 sections of really long pews. You either get there early and sit on the end, then have to move down when people show up late - or you have to climb over people who are on the ends to get to where you want to be - sometimes as many as 10-12 people. I just hate that seating arrangement, it's uncomfortable and unpractical in my opinion. My biggest challenge with this church is 2 fold - one is only on occasion, the other issue is the singing. There's a "choirmaster" or whatever he calls himself. He leads the singing at every mass, runs the choir, and you can tell he's really pleased with himself. He will announce that a song is just so short "and I know you want to hear more, so we'll sing each verse twice!" and stuff like that. I cannot stand it - it's like he thinks the mass is all about him and his singing and it ruins it for me. I cringe at the sound of his voice. Also, some of the priests at this church wander around during the homily - I prefer my religious authority figures up on the alter and away from me, but they travel the aisles, asking questions of the parishioners, another cringe worthy experience.
As a not really great Catholic, should I even have a right to complain? Is it ok to just skip mass when I can't get to the church that I went to as a child? I am conflicted, knowing that I should not let these things bug me, but if this was the place I was raised in, I'd never go back.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Getting back in the habbit
So 6 months later, I'm back. I don't think anyone actually reads this blog, and that's totally ok. I use it as my chance to just say what's on my mind.
I met up with a bunch of friends from high school for brunch today. I've known a few of them for 30 years or so now, and some just since high school (21 or so years). I have been very close with them all, but we've gone our separate ways, and are just so different. It was nice to see everyone, but the conversations were not exactly connected, and we all are so , yeah. Finally after 1 1/2 hour, the girl who is pregnant for the first time mentioned again that she'd rather have a scheduled c-section so that her "who-ha doesn't blow out all over the wall." Totally get that, as I'm opposed to shooting any organs out onto the wall, particularly my who-ha. I'm also the least "natural" mom I know - I ended up with a c-section with my first, and chose a c-section with my second. And, *gasp* I DID NOT BREASTFEED - ever. I wanted to enjoy being a mom, not be chained to a hungry bitting baby day in and day out. Anyhow, some of the other girls jumped in with c-sections are bad, think of the baby, going natural isn't bad, and I realized... I'm just so past this. My kids have been independent (as much as a 6 and 8 year old can be) for so long, that the whole childbirth debate is just something I don't care about any more. I excused myself and came home and I don't regret it at all. Even a few years ago, I would have worried that the others would be talking about me and judging my birthing skills or whatever, but now I don't care. They're all great women, but they're not the ones who determine if I'm happy with me today - that's up to me.
I met up with a bunch of friends from high school for brunch today. I've known a few of them for 30 years or so now, and some just since high school (21 or so years). I have been very close with them all, but we've gone our separate ways, and are just so different. It was nice to see everyone, but the conversations were not exactly connected, and we all are so , yeah. Finally after 1 1/2 hour, the girl who is pregnant for the first time mentioned again that she'd rather have a scheduled c-section so that her "who-ha doesn't blow out all over the wall." Totally get that, as I'm opposed to shooting any organs out onto the wall, particularly my who-ha. I'm also the least "natural" mom I know - I ended up with a c-section with my first, and chose a c-section with my second. And, *gasp* I DID NOT BREASTFEED - ever. I wanted to enjoy being a mom, not be chained to a hungry bitting baby day in and day out. Anyhow, some of the other girls jumped in with c-sections are bad, think of the baby, going natural isn't bad, and I realized... I'm just so past this. My kids have been independent (as much as a 6 and 8 year old can be) for so long, that the whole childbirth debate is just something I don't care about any more. I excused myself and came home and I don't regret it at all. Even a few years ago, I would have worried that the others would be talking about me and judging my birthing skills or whatever, but now I don't care. They're all great women, but they're not the ones who determine if I'm happy with me today - that's up to me.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Interesting day
*Locked myself out of the house...twice
*Had this conversation with my healthy 6 year old son: Liam: "I love my pillow" Me: "that's nice" Liam: "mom, when you bury me, put my pillow with me." Me: "uh, don't think I'll be burrying you" Liam: "ok, well tell the people that do bury me to put my pillow with me." Hope this isn't freaky foreshadowing.
*Picked up the cremains of my parent's cat (they're in Ireland, of course the cat died on my watch - Monday the 17th). Nice card attached to the package in memory of Sabina - "creamated May 12, 2010" - I doubt she would have liked that, she was alive and grumpy on the 12th.
*Had this conversation with my healthy 6 year old son: Liam: "I love my pillow" Me: "that's nice" Liam: "mom, when you bury me, put my pillow with me." Me: "uh, don't think I'll be burrying you" Liam: "ok, well tell the people that do bury me to put my pillow with me." Hope this isn't freaky foreshadowing.
*Picked up the cremains of my parent's cat (they're in Ireland, of course the cat died on my watch - Monday the 17th). Nice card attached to the package in memory of Sabina - "creamated May 12, 2010" - I doubt she would have liked that, she was alive and grumpy on the 12th.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Scared of change?
I had a second interview today - and midway through I was offered the job and I immediately accepted. The job would actually invovle using my degree, and would be working in a field I love. However, I am absolutely sickly scared to do this and I can't quite put my finger on why. I feel as bad as I have when someone close to me has died.
At this point, I'm not quitting my management job at my current company - it's part time and I can work from home, it pays ok, but I HATE it. Basically taking on this job means I'll be working more since the new job's pay is very, very, very low. I worry about not getting the house clean, or not having enough time with the kids or the dog, but my reaction is still so extreme.
I wish I could figure out why I'm so upset. I start next Tuesday, so I hope to be feeling better about things before that!
At this point, I'm not quitting my management job at my current company - it's part time and I can work from home, it pays ok, but I HATE it. Basically taking on this job means I'll be working more since the new job's pay is very, very, very low. I worry about not getting the house clean, or not having enough time with the kids or the dog, but my reaction is still so extreme.
I wish I could figure out why I'm so upset. I start next Tuesday, so I hope to be feeling better about things before that!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Waste of Good Ambien
I horade my ambien and only use them when I desperately need a good nights sleep and doubt I'll get it naturally or with the help of Melatonin. Last night was one of those nights. I'd loaded up on coffee and tea to stay alert for Lost. Let's face it, it's not like it helped, my head still felt like I'd been tossed around the room for the last 20 minutes of the show. Serriously, what is going on?
Anyhow, I took the Ambien and read myself to sleep - deep uninterupted sleep despite any noises from Tom or the dog. My blissfull rest was destroyed at 4 something this morning by the dumb cat meowing to get into the room. She had been staying in the room all night, but now doesn't want to - yet howls in the hallway to be let in when it's convenient for her. I locked her skinny ass in the basement and tried to get back to sleep - but that just didn't work so well. The thing is, I'm a cat person, I much prefer them to dogs, but they're both driving me crazy lately. Judy howls so loudly constantly, and Savannah is too neurotic for her own good.
Ok, enough of the crazy cat lady rant. Time to get the kids up and start the day.
Anyhow, I took the Ambien and read myself to sleep - deep uninterupted sleep despite any noises from Tom or the dog. My blissfull rest was destroyed at 4 something this morning by the dumb cat meowing to get into the room. She had been staying in the room all night, but now doesn't want to - yet howls in the hallway to be let in when it's convenient for her. I locked her skinny ass in the basement and tried to get back to sleep - but that just didn't work so well. The thing is, I'm a cat person, I much prefer them to dogs, but they're both driving me crazy lately. Judy howls so loudly constantly, and Savannah is too neurotic for her own good.
Ok, enough of the crazy cat lady rant. Time to get the kids up and start the day.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Spring
We've had a hint of spring in Columbus this week - well, more like a hint of summer. 80 degrees for several days in a row, but now we're in the 30's. Typical Ohio. I'm not going to dwell on the nasty coldness, it will change again, and soon, because that's how it is.
I've had a chance to do a lot of fun things in the last week or so. Last Friday I took the kids down to the Scioto Audubon park on Whitier Penninsula - you can tell that the park isn't complete yet, definately a work in progress, but it's going to be beautiful once the trees come in a bit more. There was a pretty daunting looking climbing rock too - not that I tried it. Plus there's an audubon center, didn't get a chance to see that since I had to get to work. The playground was good, a bit different that your usual set up, and Rory and Liam liked it.
Saturday we went to Molly's brother's place in Marengo -I am absolutely predjudiced, but I love the Malloys. So much fun for the kids - games where they won "bunny bucks" to spend on little prizes, a great big egg hunt, a hay ride, etc. For the adults, food, drinks and plenty of friendly people to spend time with.
Sunday was Easter complete with a walk home from Graeters - the 4 miles helped to pay off the ice cream, but only some of it :) It was still worth it though.
Monday went to the zoo with Rory and Liam, we met my cousin Sarah and her little boy Brady. Saw some exhibits we'd missed before - always a nice day.
Just been enjoying the weather and working since. I've got an interview tomorrow for a part time job at the Columbus Historical Society - not sure if I'll get it or not, but I'm excited just to interview.
As far as reading goes, I finished Fall of Thanes and wonder why I wasted my time. blah. Mistborn, The Dragonbone Chair and Running with the Demmon are all still good, still trying to get into Gardens of the Moon - can't get hooked yet I'm afraid. Many people have said that it's a good series if you're a fan of George RR Martin's style of writting. No comparison yet, but I've only ready about 25% of the book so far...
yeah, that's all that's been going on, the kids are watching some tv before bed, but I suppose I should make an appearance and get them tucked in... night!
I've had a chance to do a lot of fun things in the last week or so. Last Friday I took the kids down to the Scioto Audubon park on Whitier Penninsula - you can tell that the park isn't complete yet, definately a work in progress, but it's going to be beautiful once the trees come in a bit more. There was a pretty daunting looking climbing rock too - not that I tried it. Plus there's an audubon center, didn't get a chance to see that since I had to get to work. The playground was good, a bit different that your usual set up, and Rory and Liam liked it.
Saturday we went to Molly's brother's place in Marengo -I am absolutely predjudiced, but I love the Malloys. So much fun for the kids - games where they won "bunny bucks" to spend on little prizes, a great big egg hunt, a hay ride, etc. For the adults, food, drinks and plenty of friendly people to spend time with.
Sunday was Easter complete with a walk home from Graeters - the 4 miles helped to pay off the ice cream, but only some of it :) It was still worth it though.
Monday went to the zoo with Rory and Liam, we met my cousin Sarah and her little boy Brady. Saw some exhibits we'd missed before - always a nice day.
Just been enjoying the weather and working since. I've got an interview tomorrow for a part time job at the Columbus Historical Society - not sure if I'll get it or not, but I'm excited just to interview.
As far as reading goes, I finished Fall of Thanes and wonder why I wasted my time. blah. Mistborn, The Dragonbone Chair and Running with the Demmon are all still good, still trying to get into Gardens of the Moon - can't get hooked yet I'm afraid. Many people have said that it's a good series if you're a fan of George RR Martin's style of writting. No comparison yet, but I've only ready about 25% of the book so far...
yeah, that's all that's been going on, the kids are watching some tv before bed, but I suppose I should make an appearance and get them tucked in... night!
Monday, March 29, 2010
stupid dogs, dead rats and boring stuff
Just got back from a walk. some stupid dog lunged through it's fence posts and bit Wynnie. I hate aggressive dogs. They ruin a pleasent walk.
Our rat died last night - poor little thing, I held him for his last hour and a half or so. He had some seizures and his little body kept shaking. Liam buried him in our little pet cemetary.
I'm trying to get caught up with work work and home work (laundry, cleaning etc) so that I can get back to relaxing and reading - wouldn't it be nice to just have a day off to read? Maybe sometime over spring break if the kids will let me.
Our rat died last night - poor little thing, I held him for his last hour and a half or so. He had some seizures and his little body kept shaking. Liam buried him in our little pet cemetary.
I'm trying to get caught up with work work and home work (laundry, cleaning etc) so that I can get back to relaxing and reading - wouldn't it be nice to just have a day off to read? Maybe sometime over spring break if the kids will let me.
Monday, March 15, 2010
the weather apparently
I thought I wrote something more recently than last Tuesday. Oh well. Spring gave a tease here in Columbus last week - we reached the upper 60's for a few days. Yesterday and today made me think more of fall - wet, blustery, gray and chilly. Still nicer than the 3-4 feet of snow we had last month. I'll take just about anything over snow. When we had single digit temperatures, I couldn't wait for temps to reach the 40's - so I should just be happy with what we've got now. It's that darn tease of warm weather that has me not liking today's temps so much.
Looking forward to Wednesday and St. Patrick's day. The weather should be nice (how old am I that all I can talk about is the weather - really??). Heading downtown for the parade and Irish Family reunion. I love catching up with all my old friends, particularly the Malloy family. It's not the same without Molly, but so good to see everyone.
Looking forward to Wednesday and St. Patrick's day. The weather should be nice (how old am I that all I can talk about is the weather - really??). Heading downtown for the parade and Irish Family reunion. I love catching up with all my old friends, particularly the Malloy family. It's not the same without Molly, but so good to see everyone.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday already?
Liam got sick Monday morning very early, so I kept him home from school yesterday. About an hour after Rory got home, she came down with a 103 degree fever, they were both up last night - Liam apparently hallucenates when he has a fever, and rory has night terrors.
Today, they were both home. I got some work done, cleaned the house and read quite a bit of the Dragon Keeper, I'm still not sure if I like it or not, may go back to reading Mistborn tonight, so far so good.
Today, they were both home. I got some work done, cleaned the house and read quite a bit of the Dragon Keeper, I'm still not sure if I like it or not, may go back to reading Mistborn tonight, so far so good.
Friday, March 5, 2010
A "restful" day
Last week was insanely busy, yet I managed to keep up with my writting. This week was relatively normal, and I couldn't find the time. I've downloaded about 4 or 5 new books onto my Kindle to read, alternating daily, plus I'm still trying to finish up Fall of Thanes. I can't seem to get through that book, but it's the 3rd in a trilogy, so I'm giving it my best shot.
Kids are off school today, so we're amusing ourselves at home till Sarah comes over for Liam's birthday. She can't come to the family party tomorrow. We've got to try and get to the Kelton House too, Chuck needs my picture for a docent newsletter. I should also be working on scripts for the Greenlawn Abbey, but I fear I'll be scrambling come September instead of doing a few each month...sigh, I hate being a procrastinator, but that's just who I am.
Kids are off school today, so we're amusing ourselves at home till Sarah comes over for Liam's birthday. She can't come to the family party tomorrow. We've got to try and get to the Kelton House too, Chuck needs my picture for a docent newsletter. I should also be working on scripts for the Greenlawn Abbey, but I fear I'll be scrambling come September instead of doing a few each month...sigh, I hate being a procrastinator, but that's just who I am.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
long night
It's 6 am Saturday, and I'm up - not a suprise, I usually work Saturday mornings. I was supposed to lead a training session for new leaders today, but it was cancelled due to the weather. I am not complaining. I love my Weight Watchers meetings - motivating members and hearing their stories. Unfortunately I find training boring. This was to be my last training session for new leaders, I've resigned that position. I'm rambling.
My puppy was spayed yesterday, and she was up most of the night - shifting around and whining. I wish I could do more to help the poor thing feel better, but nothing seems to help, so I am tired and she is uncomfortable.
I've downloaded several new books onto my Kindle, but haven't had much of a chance to read yet - maybe tomorrow....
I've downloaded several new books onto my Kindle, but haven't had much of a chance to read yet - maybe tomorrow....
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
It's Tuesday...
I'm anxious to get the kids into bed tonight - I've got a new book to read - an old one I think "The Dragone Bone Chair" by Tad Williams. Haven't had a good new series in a while. I was reading "Fall of Thanes" - but just can't get into the last half of the book, especially since I skipped ahead with my Kindle and it looks like the "hero" of the story dies. nice.
I've been re-reading the Song of Ice and Fire series too, but I doubt A Dance with Dragons will come out anytime soon, so I'll most likely re-read again once I know the next book is for real. I love reading, and more often that not, will choose to read over the tv. However, I WILL be watching LOST tonight - got to see that one through to the end.
I've been re-reading the Song of Ice and Fire series too, but I doubt A Dance with Dragons will come out anytime soon, so I'll most likely re-read again once I know the next book is for real. I love reading, and more often that not, will choose to read over the tv. However, I WILL be watching LOST tonight - got to see that one through to the end.
Monday, February 22, 2010
ok so I'm not so into this yet
uh, funny store time? Sure, maybe this will help me remember:
Rory gets into the car on Friday with a hunk of ice in her hand.
Rory "look mom, this looks just like a manatee"
me "ok"
Rory continues to praise her manatee as we drive to Krogers, I tell the kids I'm running in to buy money orders, do they want to come with me, or wait in the car. They choose to wait in the car. 5 minutes later I return. Rory is crying hysterically, Liam is in the back with his eyes wide open and a "this chick is nuts" look on his face.
Rory: "Liam made me eat my manatee!"
me: "What happened"
Rory: "I said it was dripping a little and maybe melting, and he said 'bite it's head off', so I did!"
me: "So, did he force it into your mouth and make you chew it up?"
Rory: "no! I did it myself, but he made me. This is my worst day ever, he's ruined my life"
Rory continues to whine, complain, mourn etc.
me: "What do you want me to do?"
Rory: "Punish Liam"
me: "You want someone punished for ruining your toy?"
Rory: "It's not a toy, it's a statue!"
me: "Ok, someone should be punished for destroying your statue?"
Rory: "yes"
me: "Rory you're grounded"
Rory: "why"
me: "You ate your statue"
more crying ensued till we reached Grandma O'Connor's and she found an "x-ray" (stingray) shaped hunk of ice.
kids...
Rory gets into the car on Friday with a hunk of ice in her hand.
Rory "look mom, this looks just like a manatee"
me "ok"
Rory continues to praise her manatee as we drive to Krogers, I tell the kids I'm running in to buy money orders, do they want to come with me, or wait in the car. They choose to wait in the car. 5 minutes later I return. Rory is crying hysterically, Liam is in the back with his eyes wide open and a "this chick is nuts" look on his face.
Rory: "Liam made me eat my manatee!"
me: "What happened"
Rory: "I said it was dripping a little and maybe melting, and he said 'bite it's head off', so I did!"
me: "So, did he force it into your mouth and make you chew it up?"
Rory: "no! I did it myself, but he made me. This is my worst day ever, he's ruined my life"
Rory continues to whine, complain, mourn etc.
me: "What do you want me to do?"
Rory: "Punish Liam"
me: "You want someone punished for ruining your toy?"
Rory: "It's not a toy, it's a statue!"
me: "Ok, someone should be punished for destroying your statue?"
Rory: "yes"
me: "Rory you're grounded"
Rory: "why"
me: "You ate your statue"
more crying ensued till we reached Grandma O'Connor's and she found an "x-ray" (stingray) shaped hunk of ice.
kids...
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